Building Resilience

All parents want what is best for their children. Sometimes though, in our endeavour to protect our children, we take control of a situation, and make decisions, that are not always in our child’s best interest.

Michael Grose (Parenting Educator) talks of 7 resilience robbers that reduces a child’s development of resilience.

ROBBER 1- Fight all their battles for them

This should be the last resort not the first option. We want our children to have strategies that will help them manage difficult situations.

Solution: Give kids the skills and opportunity to develop their own resourcefulness. Remember there are always 2 sides to a story. Be the consultant not the problem-solver.

ROBBER 2 -  Make their problem your problem

Sometimes adults can take too much responsibility for issues that are really up to the child to work out or decide.

Solution: Know when to make their problem their problem.

ROBBER 3 - Give kids too much voice

It is easy to go overboard and allow children too much of a say in what happens to them. Remember you are the adult.

Solution: Know when to make decisions for kids and expect them to adjust and cope.

ROBBER 4 – Put unrealistic or relentless pressure on kids to perform

Expectations about success and achievement are important but they must be realistic.

Solution: Keep expectations in line with a child’s ability. Excessive pressure can create mental health issues.

ROBBER 5 – Let kids give in too easily

Solution: Encourage kids to complete what they have started and put in the best effort even if the results aren’t perfect, nor the task significant.

ROBBER 6 – Neglect to develop independence

By teaching kids the skills to look after themselves you are setting them up for life. Start early. Kids who have a sense of independence (but family readily available) feel good about themselves and their abilities.

Solution: As a parent if you weren’t around what skills would you like your child to have eg. for younger – dressing themselves, making something simple to eat, washing up, unpacking their school bag; for older – making their school lunch, cooking, cleaning, using appliances.

ROBBER 7 – Rescue kids from challenging or stretching situations

When things are outside the comfort zone we tend to want to avoid them eg. doing a presentation in front of others, school camp. When you show confidence in a child and skill them up to face challenges you will not only help them to cope but their abilities may even surprise them.

Solution: Overcoming challenges enables kids to grow and improve.

In life there are many hardships that occur at any age. By skilling up a child to deal with them effectively you will create independent children who are mentally strong and resilient, and so able to enjoy life no matter what is put in their path. Isn’t that what we want for all our children?

Adapted from Resiliency Robbers by Michael Grose